- Here it is guys – my very simple by informative HOW TO guide to becoming an Autumnal ‘Basic Bitch’.
I am pleased to say, I scored 100% when testing myself on how many points I could get from the below list. I am happily 100% basic. And I am definitely 100% an AUTUMNALLY basic bitch. Writing this from the comfort of my own UGG boots.
If you are worried that you are not as basic as me – then DO NOT FEAR – just follow the easy how to guide below and soon you will be as basic as the next identical girl:
Also – for anyone reading who doesn’t know what a basic bitch is (hi mum) then here is a (slightly savage) definition (from urban dictionary):
Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes. She is tragically/laughably unaware of her utter lack of specialness and intrigue. She believers herself to be unique, fly, amazing, and a complete catch, when really she is boring, painfully normal, and par.
So lets get started. (please be advised that this is purely for Autumn – please see back at a later date for all other seasons, the bonus Christmas edition and a mini Halloween edition).
HOW TO BE AN AUTUMNAL BASIC BITCH:
1 . Buy a Pumpkin Spice Latte. And Instastory it immediately before it gets cold (that is mandatory). *cheat code* if you don’t like PSL’s – buy another drink and claim it is a PSL*
2 . Wear UGG boots as soon as it is even remotely
cold less warm than summer. If it isn’t cold at all – you can EVEN use a slight chilly breeze as an excuse too. Complete look with jeans and jumper. Repeat everyday until Spring.
3. Take an OOTD photo of said Uggs / any autumnal footwear by a pile of leaves (or one leaf if it isn’t leafy enough yet). Make sure to hashtag #LEAVES #AUTUMN #FALL
4 . Buy an oversized scarf – normal retailers include Zara, Asos and Topshop. Great purchase as can also be used as blanket for when binging on series at home during the Autumn season.
5 . Google ‘Scary but Sexy’ Halloween make up ideas so that you can dress up super scary – but also look cute so everyone knows you are a Regina George of life.
6 . Tweet something about looking forward to that “hygee’ lifestyle.
7 . Tweet about how many Friday’s there are until Christmas. (Currently there are 13 weeks and 1 day until the big day).
8 . Be sure to Instagram a ‘throwback’ photo of yourself from the summer months – capitioning it ‘throwback to sunnier times’ or ‘Take me back to summer’.
9 . Add to your candle collection. With something that smells of ‘spice’ and ‘leaves’ and ‘conkers’.
10 . Complain it is getting cold. Tweet about being cold. Spend less time outside, in the cold – unless on way to collecting a PSL from Starbucks. (Make sure to wear your Uggs for safety).
11 . Burgundy is essential – be it clothing, nail varnish, lipstick, UGG boots, name of your first child.
12 . Dye your hair darker to show that you are at one with the seasons, and the no longer need light summery hair.
13 . Forget to shave… until May the following year.
14 . Get addicted once again to Bake Off. Bonus points – express your deep distress at Mary Berry’s absence. But then say how actually its still quite nice.
15 . Take 15 mins extra in the shower because it is too cold to get out straight away.
16 . Buy that Zara Aviator jacket that all the experienced Basic Bitchs’ bought last year. It is now back in stock in Zara, in lots of colours – and every other high-street brands have also brought it out, in the exact same style, so there is one out there for all of us. *team photo*.
17 . Buy the entire of Primark’s homewear section of blankets and cute candles and 100 blankets and big socks and a dressing gown. You want as much polyester clothing as possible.
18 . Buy a slogan t-shirt. This is so on trend basic right now. Extra points for if the slogan is a cliché French word, mon cheri.
19 . Start bulk eating for the hibernation of winter.
*For extra Basic points – do all of this in one day.
Thank you so much for reading – I hope that you did enjoy this 19 point guide. (didn’t want to do 20 – as wanted to be edgy).
Please do leave any additional advice in the comment section. Look forward to hearing from you all.
You know you love me,
Basic Autumnal Jess
(the most basic way to end a blog post)
Below : more photos of me being basic.